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Part 8 - Examples of Good and Bad Writing. Learning to write often works best by | Download Free Templates,, example. The following are excerpts from nine first-year student essays. Most of the examples are bad, although I did find a two good examples in Template the bunch. In most cases, the names and dates from the essays have been changed to not compromise the subject matter for future students (in other words, don't use any of the apparent research information here in Blank Estimate | Download & Premium your papers). Business Template Microsoft Word Design? I have tried to categorize the errors as best as I could. Errors or bad portions are usually bolded to help you identify them. Smith was a religious, Christian man. His notion of monads included contextual references to God. Blank | Download Free Templates, Forms? He believed that God controls the harmony of life through these monads.

The essay then goes on | Luxury Wedding Wicklow to discuss these monads in a Christian context. Had the student omitted the above sentences, however, the discussion of religion would have been completely out of place, given the Blank Estimate Template Free, essay's topic. But since the person being discussed had religious views that affected his theories and work, it is relevant to mention the religious aspect. Employee Plan Template? Had Smith's religion not been a direct influence on his work, it would have been irrelevant. Similarly, you wouldn't mention other things about someone in an essay if it wasn't relevant to the topic. Blank Template Free Templates,? For example, it is irrelevant to mention a scientist's race in Home Template. Template For Excel an essay about their discovery unless the race impacted the discovery. Blank Estimate | Download Free Forms? An example of Packages Wedding Packages this might be if a black scientist's prime motivation to find a cure for Blank Template | Download Forms sickle cell anemia was because that disease strikes black people in proportionally higher numbers. If the same scientist was researching some aspect of physics, it would probably not be relevant to mention the race at all. An introductory paragraph: On March 4, 1849, John Smith was born to Anna Bradcock Smith and Wicklow Wedding Packages Wicklow James Smith.

Although certainly not of Blank Estimate | Download Templates, humble origins, John was acquainted with several prominent and influential men of politics with whom he discussed matters of mathematics, history, science, logic, law, and theology. Smith was brilliant in each of these fields, but he became known particularly for his contributions in the fields of philosophy, mathematics, and Budget Home Construction Budget Template For Excel logistics. Blank Template | Download Free Templates,? This paper will not only shed light on some of Smith's theories and words regarding these three areas, but will also tell of the events in his life that made him the man that he was. This is the introduction to Urban Institute Calculator And Transfers, a chronologically-ordered essay about Smith's life and discoveries. As such, the choice to begin with his date of birth is a good one. Blank Estimate Template | Download Free & Premium Templates,? The paragraph summarizes the A New Urban Institute Shows Taxes, fields touched by Smith and also mentions the key areas he studied. Estimate & Premium? The paper sets up an Action Plan expectation for the reader of both a detailed explanation of Smith's discoveries and anecdotes describing his personality. The sentence structure is grammatically sound and flows well. In the late 1650's , Smith's mother returned to London , she then pulled him out of Estimate Template | Download Templates, Forms school with the intent to Budget Budget For Excel, make him a farmer . Apostrophes indicate possessiveness or contractions, not plurality. The decade is the 1650s. The sentence is a run-on.

It should either end after London, beginning a new sentence with She then, or the she then should be changed to and. To make someone a farmer is to create a farmer for them. Blank Estimate Template Free Forms? The student meant: to turn him into a farmer or to Form. Templates, encourage him to be a farmer. Smith invented the widgetiscope and paved the way for Blank Estimate Forms future widget watching. All-the-while remaining a simple and Budget humble man who considered himself to be part of Estimate Free & Premium Forms a team working for the greater good. The bolded part is not a complete sentence.

The entire thing should be one sentence. All-the-while does not require hyphenation. The two differing approaches of Blank Template Word | Template Design development already described, eventually led to Estimate Template Free, the development of the Blank Card Template Design, two original branches of widgetry; fingleish and fnordleish. This sentence is mispunctuated. The comma is confusing and should be removed, and the semicolon should be a colon. Another of Smith's ideas was the | Download & Premium, method of Dental Form. Forms differentiation. The university re-opened after the plague in 1667.

Smith was elected to a minor fellowship, and Blank Estimate Template Free Forms awarded a major fellowship after he received his Master's Degree (Bogus 4). After the realization that Calculus was important, and was being recognized, a document to Urban Institute Calculator What Taxes, record all of the theories became a necessity. The Methodis Differantium, the document that contained the elements of the theory of differentiation, was created in 1667. Smith believed he was being pulled in Blank | Download & Premium Templates, two directions when it came to publishing his theories and making his work known. He felt a need for fame and fortune, yet on How To | Sciencing the other hand he had an abundant fear of rejection. Estimate | Download Free? To the dismay of many future mathematicians, it was never published because of Smith's fear of criticism. Since he was not focusing on publishing his work, Smith pursued his career as a professor.

This so-called paragraph is an utter mess. There are far too many ideas in it, all of which are strung together haphazardly without any logical flow. I'll try to dissect and rewrite it, but I won't make errors bold because the entire paragraph would be bold if I did. First, let's pick out the different topics being addressed: the method of differentiation the university re-opening after the plague Smith's ascension through the university ranks the need of a document detailing differentiation, which was eventually created Smith's mental state, desires and fears. Now, if we replace each sentence with the number of the corresponding idea, we can see what a jumbled mess this is: 1, 2, 3, 4, 4, 5, 5, 4, 3.

Don't introduce a paragraph with one topic and What then leap to another topic in the next sentence. Estimate Template & Premium? While it may sometimes be necessary to Blank Card Design, mention something as an | Download Free & Premium aside to complement the topic, the return to Employee, the topic should be swift and easy to understand. Don't bounce around within the paragraph as this student has done. Another problem: there doesn't seem to be a coherent timeline within the Blank Template | Download Free & Premium Templates, Forms, paragraph. Did the university re-open in 1667, or was the plague in 1667? Is the student saying that Smith was elected to a minor fellowship that year or another year? Similarly, when did the major fellowship and Urban Calculator And Transfers Master's Degree come in? It's unlikely to have all happened in one year, though it is possible. The document was created in Free Templates, Forms 1667, it seems, but when did Smith decide not to publish and seek work as a professor instead? Also 1667?

It sounds like that was a very busy year for poor Smith! The sentences themselves are also awkwardly constructed, making the entire thing hard to understand. I'll make some assumptions regarding the confusing date information. Here is How To An Octagon Or 8 Sided Polygon | Sciencing how this information should have been presented: Smith's ideas on the method of differentiation were gaining recognition in Blank Estimate Template Free & Premium Templates, Forms the mathematical community, which made it necessary for him to produce a document detailing all of his theories on the subject.

Thus, when the Template. Home, university re-opened in Estimate Template Templates, Forms 1667 following the plague and Smith was elected to a minor fellowship, he wrote Methodis Differantium. Although Smith wished to attain fame and fortune, he also feared rejection. This dichotomy resulted in his failure to publish Methodis Differantium; a failure that would be mourned by mathematicians well into the future. Still, Smith was awarded a major fellowship after receiving his Master's Degree in [insert year]. Since he was not interested in A New Institute Calculator publishing his work, he concentrated instead on pursuing a position as a professor. Queen Esmerelda knighted Jones in 1705 to be given the title of Sir Joe Smith, which made him the first scientist to be so honored for Estimate & Premium Templates, his work (Bogus) . The phrase to be given is awkward here. It would be better written: Queen Esmerelda knighted Jones in 1705, which gave him the title of Sir. Wedding Wicklow Wedding Packages Wicklow? Who else could be honoured for Smith's work other than Smith?

It should say: . which made him the first man to be honored for scientific work. There probably should be a page number listed in the citation. Jones had a main idea of analytic geometry. What does this mean? Does the student mean that one of Jones' main ideas concerned analytic geometry? Does he mean that one of the main ideas of analytic geometry was conceived by Jones? Or does he mean something else entirely?

This makes little sense and is very awkward. Whether Smith made no use of the manuscript from which he had copied abstracts , or whether he had previously invented the widgetiscope, are questions on which at this distance of time no direct evidence is available . If Smith made no use of the manuscript, he can't have used it to copy abstracts. This is a very awkward way of saying that the events in question happened so long ago that there is no longer sufficient evidence to answer certain questions. Blank Template & Premium Forms? It would be better written: Questions as to whether Smith made further use of the manuscript from which he copied abstracts or whether he had previously invented the widgetiscope are rooted so far in the past that it is impossible to gather sufficient direct evidence to provide answers.

This is Institute Shows What Taxes still a bit awkward. It's best when broken up into smaller sentences: There are still questions as to whether Smith made further use of the manuscript from Blank & Premium Forms, which he copied abstracts or whether he had previously invented the widgetiscope. Such questions are rooted so far in Home Template. Home Construction Template For Excel the past, however, that it is impossible to gather sufficient direct evidence to provide answers. Smith formed a political plan to try to persuade the Germans to attack the French due to him not agreeing with their political agendas and this proved the means of his visiting Hamburg. Due to him not agreeing with is a very awkward way of saying: because he disagreed with. The second bolded part should be a separate sentence. Proved the means of Estimate Template & Premium Templates, Forms his visiting is a very awkward way of saying is why he visited.

Jones explained ideas too enormous to understand, and simplified problems too complex to approach. Not only is this hyperbole, it's also logically impossible. If the ideas were too complicated to understand, Jones couldn't have understood them himself. If the problems were too complex to Packages Wicklow | Luxury Wedding, approach, Jones could not have approached them. Mismatched Words, Phrases, and Pronouns. After marrying Elizabeth, Smith's father fell ill for Blank Template | Download Free & Premium Templates, Forms several months. After no sign of recovery, a lawyer was summoned to the manor. Dental Form. Templates? A will was drawn up, including one hundred acres of land, the manor house, livestock, grain, and Smith Senior's death (Bogus 10). Estimate Template | Download Free Templates,? His mother gave birth to Smith three months after Smith senior died. A New Institute Calculator Shows? He was premature after suffering from illness due to the shock of her husband's passing during the fall . The phrase after no sign of recovery is not properly attached to Smith's father.

Instead, it is saying that the lawyer did not recover from something. A will does not include land, a house, etc. It states to whom such things are bequeathed. This should say: A will was drawn up leaving one hundred acres of land, the manor house, livestock and grain to [whomever]. Blank Template Free & Premium Templates, Forms? I don't even understand how and Institute Shows What Taxes Smith Senior's death fits into this sentence. His in | Download Free Templates, Forms the sentence His mother gave birth. refers to the antecedent Smith Senior. Thus, Smith Senior's mother gave birth to Release Form. Healthcare | Healthcare Templates, Smith Senior's son. That would necessitate incest, and is clearly not what the student meant to say. They should have simply said Elizabeth gave birth. Estimate Template Free & Premium Forms? Who else but someone's mother gives birth to them anyway? Given the confusions regarding the various Smiths, it would have been better if the student had used first names during this part of the essay.

There is inconsistency in capitalization. How To An Octagon? It is Smith Senior once, and Smith senior another time. The he in he was premature again refers to the wrong antecedent. Smith Senior was not premature. Smith did not suffer illness due to the shock of Smith Senior's passing. Elizabeth did. This sentence says that Smith suffered the Blank Estimate Template & Premium, illness. Home Budget? The student suddenly introduces the Template Free & Premium, phrase during the fall when no other mention of the season has been made. This could be confused with Smith Senior dying from a fall.

Lastly, the inverse relationship between area and the tangent were never attained. The relationship is singular, even though it refers to multiple elements. Thus, the Employee Plan, verb were should be singular as well, and changed to was. It was this century where many of the worlds most honorable and highly respected mathematicians created what we know today as calculus. A century is not a place, it is a section of Estimate | Download & Premium Templates, Forms time. Say it is A New Urban Shows a place where. Blank Template | Download Free Forms? or a time when.

In this case, It was this century when. Adding an 's' without an apostrophe in this case is Business Word Design pluralization, not indicative of possession. The student means world's. But perhaps the largest obstacle , which the Estimate Template | Download Free & Premium Templates, Forms, Greeks could not overcome, were their insufficient number and measuring system . Were is plural, but obstacle and system are singular. It should be was. Tragically at How To Draw An Octagon Or 8 Sided Polygon | Sciencing, the age of Estimate | Download Free Templates, Forms six, Smith's father died. This says that Smith's father died at Employee Action Template, the age of Estimate Template Free & Premium Templates, six. The student means: Tragically, when Smith was six years old his father died.

Jones, now familiar with Smith's discoveries, wrote Smith a letter soon after the publication of his discoveries. After the publication of whose discoveries: Jones' or Smith's? Jones reasoned that if he could calculate the Forms Templates, angles of the projected colour, a new law of refraction could be made . People can make legal laws, but natural or scientific laws are discovered. To make a new law of Template Free & Premium Templates, refraction, Jones would have to alter physics. During the seventeenth century, the inhabitants of England did not realize the importance of scientific advancement. Inhabitants could well mean non-human creatures, and is thus a poor choice of a word. Are we to understand that ALL of the people in England failed to realize the importance of scientific advancement for an entire century? It would have been better if the student had said most people in England.

At the current time, the dominant belief was that light traveled in Urban Institute Calculator What And Transfers wave . The current time is the moment the reader is reading the sentence. The student meant to say that the belief was such during the historical time period being discussed. Current should be omitted. The phrase in wave has an error. It should either be in waves or in a wave. Both may be correct, but such an Blank Template | Download Free & Premium Forms error can be misunderstood if one is incorrect.

This would likely have been caught if the student had read the paper out loud. Secondly, Jones' reliance on geometric algebra rather than symbolic notation created considerable impedance to the identification of solutions of computational features found frequently to different problems. Here is an example of a student not knowing the proper meaning of Wedding Packages Wicklow a word. Blank Template Free & Premium Forms? Impedance means opposition to the flow of electric current. Wedding Packages | Luxury Wedding Packages Wicklow? It does not mean the same as to impede, which is to be an obstacle. Blank Estimate Template Free? This could be an instance where a student used the thesaurus in a word processor to come up with a word without bothering to Dental Form. Forms | Healthcare Form Templates, check if the word fit the Blank Free Forms, context. It could also simply be that the student had mislearned the word themselves. Incidentally, a quick check of MS Word 97 shows synonyms to impedance to be obstruction, block, baffle, hindrance, breakwater, fin, and maze.

So here is A New Urban Institute Shows What direct proof that you shouldn't always trust what a word processor thesaurus tells you is an equivalent word. Be diligent and look up unfamiliar words in Blank Estimate Free Templates, Forms the dictionary before using them in your essay. In studying widgetry, it serves as great importance that one is aware of the two systems of widgetry; fingleish and fnordleish. Something does not serve as great importance, and one being aware doesn't fit either. | Luxury Packages Wicklow? This is a student trying to sound fancy but instead making no sense. The sentence should read: In studying widgetry, one should be aware of the two systems of widgetry; fingleish and fnordleish.

It was thought that Jones hated his stepfather and Template | Download Free & Premium Templates, Forms his mother, partly for abandoning him at Blank Microsoft | Template Design, such a young age. Who thought so? This entire statement, which implies something that cannot be proven and is thus not a basic fact, had no attribution in the essay. Since it was about someone historical and the student couldn't possibly have known this unless they got it from a source, it was plagiarism to include it without attribution. Smith managed one friendship through this time and the value of that is always questioned. Who is questioning the Blank Template | Download Free Forms, value? There is Plan Template no attribution to explain who questions it or to prove that it is questioned by anyone other than the student. What precisely is being questioned?

The value of only having one friend, or the value of the one friendship to Smith in particular? . which means that the cut in the # of points is Blank Free equal to the degree of the curve. Using the # symbol instead of the word number is a bad short cut, and certainly inappropriate for a formal essay. Smith also helped to Blank Business Card Microsoft Word, improve the scientific community ; his focus was mainly regarding widgetry. How does a focus on | Download & Premium a subject help to Business Card Microsoft Word Design, improve a community? It might improve the understanding of the Blank Estimate & Premium Templates, Forms, subject in the community, but does that improve the community itself? This is a badly worded assertion.

If it truly did benefit the Budget Template. Template For Excel, scientific community as a whole, the student should cite a source demonstrating that to be the case. Blank Estimate Template Free & Premium Templates, Forms? No attribution was present. In one day, John's attitude towards school changed for the better. A boy ranked just above him kicked him in the stomach. At the end of the day John challenged the boy to a fight. Even though John was much smaller than his opponent, his determination overtook the boy.

Winning the fight was still not enough. Budget Home? John applied himself in class, and soon became the top student in the school. This entire paragraph introduces an anecdote for the purpose of explaining what drove John to | Download Free Forms, become a better student. Incredibly, it manages to completely fail to Employee Action Template, mention the relationship between the Estimate Template | Download Free Templates,, anecdote and John's new-found classroom enthusiasm. The relationship is implied and the reader can guess that John wished to beat the boy in more than just a physical fight, and thus worked hard to outrank the Home Template. Home Construction Budget Template For Excel, boy in Blank Template | Download Free the classroom, but that is not stated. The paragraph is very choppy and the sentences do not flow well. Read it out loud, and you'll hear how it sounds like a grade school book instead of a university essay. During this time, Smith constructed a water clock. Institute Calculator Shows What Taxes? He constructed the clock out of an old box. This is choppy. It could be easily combined into one sentence.

Jones became began to study motion. This error was probably due to a sentence that once legitimately contained the word became being edited without became being removed. Blank Estimate Template | Download Free Templates, Forms? If the student had read the A New Institute Taxes, essay out loud or given it to a friend to read, this error likely would have been noticed. Yet, in Estimate | Download Templates, Forms 1679, Jones would discover that his initial calculation the Moon's distance from Earth was incorrect. Here is A New Institute Shows Taxes another example of a simple error of omission that could have been caught if the student had read the essay aloud or given it to a friend to read. The word of should be between calculation and Blank Template | Download Free Templates, the. That one small error makes the entire sentence awkward and confusing. If the instructor has to reread the Blank Business Microsoft, sentence to try to understand its meaning, the flow of the Blank Template, essay is interrupted. If this happens often enough in the essay, it gives an overall bad impression on Template. Construction Budget For Excel what otherwise might be a very good paper in terms of Estimate Free & Premium Templates, Forms research. More examples of errors that could have been caught if the students had bothered to read their essay:

One of Smith's main contribution was his use of. Widgetry emphasized the notion of the infinite widget, which in fact cam as a great service to Smith in that it served as an important too in helping explain his branch of widgetry. Jones might have in fact perputuated the ideas, but he was also at a loss when he could not make good sense of them from the beginning. Admiration for Smith grew in the filed of widgetry. With Jones' encouragement, Smith drafter a number of monographs on religious topics. Smith considers out universe to be a gravitational system. On August 10, 1777, Jones was ent a letter from. In later research , it was proven that Jones was incorrect and science rejected his theories about light until the next century. Thus, it was scientifically proven that Jones' theories about Release Form, quanta (tiny particulate packets of energy) were indeed correct . The wave formulation was also correct . When was this later research?

Who performed the research? In discussing whether someone was proven incorrect or not, it is Estimate | Download Free Forms a good idea to fully explain who did the Business Card Microsoft Word | Template, proving when, and possibly even how they came to their conclusion. These sentences contradict each other. Template & Premium Templates,? Was Jones proven incorrect or correct? Does the student mean that Jones was erroneously proven incorrect, but science later found that he was correct after all? Or was Jones correct about some things and not others?

The use of Thus implies causality. How does the proof that Jones is incorrect and Release Forms Form Templates the rejection by science suddenly become scientific proof of his theory being correct? Regardless of what the student meant by the flip from incorrect to correct, there is nothing given to Blank Estimate Template Free Templates,, establish causality. It's disappointing to see such sloppiness as this in an essay. This particular essay featured clipart, so it was obviously done on a computer with a modern word processor. Release Form. Forms | Healthcare Templates? It clearly wasn't spell-checked. Blank Estimate Free & Premium Templates, Forms? Such complete disregard is automatically indicative of a student who doesn't care about their final product, and while the error itself is minor, it gives a bad impression to the grader. Draw Sided? In fact, this essay had several spelling errors that could have been caught. Blank Estimate Template Templates, Forms? That's inexcusable at the university level. It was also during this time that he traveled to his uncle's place in Brunswick. Place is colloquial.

Use home, apartment, residence or other such appropriate word instead. Smith attempted to obtain his doctorate of law degree at the University of Anytown but was denied because positions were being held for A New Urban Institute Calculator Shows And Transfers the older students -- and Smith was much too young. Smith's secretary claims that he was told many times, however, that Smith was denied admission because of negative feelings that the Blank Template | Download & Premium Templates, Forms, Dean's wife held for him. Smith's secretary is probably dead, since this essay is about someone from the 19th century. Therefore, they no longer claim anything. A New Urban Institute Calculator Shows What? It should be past tense. Since the student doesn't cite this, there is an implication that perhaps the Blank Estimate Template Forms, secretary is Wedding Packages Wicklow | Luxury not dead and Blank Estimate Template | Download Forms the student went so far as to interview the secretary personally.

That is, of course, quite unlikely, meaning that this student has plagiarised this information from one of Dental Healthcare Forms | Healthcare Templates their sources. The following are a few concepts that form the basis of Leibnizian calculus: [followed by three bulleted paragraphs comprised mostly of direct quotation] Using bullets in a formal essay is rarely appropriate. It is preferable to write out the Template Forms, bulleted information into proper paragraph form. This student seems to have been too lazy to bother paraphrasing a bunch of direct quotations into a formal essay structure. Along came the Joe Smith, a mathematician considered by numerous scholars to be a pioneer of calculus, including other renowned mathematician, Bill Jones.

The Joe Smith? There has only been one? The student means another, not other. Sloppy. The first page of the essay starts with: have been developed (5). The second page starts with the header Introduction and the opening paragraph.

Clearly, the student stapled the pages out of Employee Action Template order. Blank Estimate Template & Premium Forms? What a sloppy mistake! Pages should be numbered unless you're specifically instructed not to for some reason, and you should always ensure that all of the pages are present and in proper order before binding the essay. If the instructor has to begin by figuring out what the heck is going on, they will automatically have a bad impression of your essay and possibly of you. Jones was quite a busy man in that along with his position in the Court of Mainz, he also managed to serve as Baron Johann Christian von Boineburg as secretary, librarian, lawyer, advisor, assistant, and most importantly, friend. Quite a busy man is a bit colloquial. A busy man would do. Blank Microsoft Word Design? The first as is an Blank Estimate Template Free & Premium Templates, error, since Jones did not serve as the Baron, he served the Blank Card Microsoft | Template Design, Baron. This may have been caught if the student had read their essay out loud.

His Chummy, Bill Jones, who Smith shared a room with until his resignation from this fellowship in 1683. Chummy should only be included if it was Smith's actual word for Jones. Blank | Download Free Templates,? If this is the case, it is Business Microsoft Word a quotation from a source and should be cited. If not, it is colloquial and should just say His friend Bill Jones. Who should be whom in Estimate Free Templates, this case. A site called Grammar and Style has information on how to | Luxury Wedding Packages Wicklow, use who and whom. This isn't even a complete sentence. Smith was born prematurely and was so small when he was born that they thought he might not live. Repeating that he was born is redundant.

Who does they refer to? Doctors? Parents? Relatives? Townsfolk? It is Blank Estimate Template Free Forms a pronoun without an antecedent. In this publication, Jones has a discourse between the belief systems of the natural philosophical world around him. Has is the wrong word here because the essay is about a person who is now dead.

Dead people don't have discourse with anyone in the present, so the word should at least be had. But even had is awkward, and a better word would be wrote. Healthcare? Discourse means to converse, especially orally. One does not speak orally in a publication. Estimate Template | Download Free Templates,? It is written. Wedding? This word should be omitted. Between denotes at least two participants, but Jones is the only one having the supposed discourse. This too should be omitted. Natural philosophical world is Blank | Download & Premium Templates, Forms confusing. Does the student mean the natural, philosophical world, which would be the world described as both natural and philosophical?

Or do they mean natural philosophical world, in Home Budget Template. Construction Template For Excel which natural modifies philosophical and not world, in which case the grammatically correct phrase would be naturally philosophical world? This would be better written as: In this publication, Jones wrote of the belief systems of the natural, philosophical world around him. or, depending on the answer to Blank Estimate Template & Premium, the fourth point: In this publication, Jones wrote of the belief systems of the Home Budget Template For Excel, naturally philosophical world around him. He was home for approximately 18 months, according to Jones the 18 months was the most predominant time period of his life.

This is a run-on sentence. Blank | Download Forms? It should either end between 18 months and according, or it should be rewritten to make it a proper sentence. 18 months is repeated for no reason. Action Plan? 18 months is Estimate Free plural, so it should be 18 months were not 18 months was. Predominant means superior especially in power or numbers. Wedding Packages Wicklow? Something cannot be most superior.

Most should be omitted. Predominant is not the best word in this case anyway. If the Estimate Template | Download Free Forms, student means it was the most powerful time of Jones' life, they should be clear about that. A New Institute Calculator And Transfers? If they mean it was the most superior numerical time of his life, then he logically cannot have been more than 36 months old. Simpson was content after his ability to reproduce Smith's experiment. Jones was not that easy, the two men fought constantly. The student probably means that Simpson was content once he was able to reproduce Smith's experiment.

The current phrasing doesn't quite say that, and is awkward and confusing. Blank | Download & Premium? Jones was not that easy to what? The student probably means Jones was not that easy to satisfy or something equivalent. This is a run-on sentence. It should end after easy, or be rewritten to be grammatically correct. Which two men? Simpson and Jones or Smith and Jones? The information on physics before this section is important to understanding whom Newton was, but arguably, his greatest advancements were in the field of mathematics, most importantly Calculus. Incorrect use of Wedding Packages Wicklow Wedding Packages Wicklow whom. Should be who.

A site called Grammar and Style has information on how to use who and whom. There should not be a comma between arguably and his. There is no citation as to anyone arguing that Newton's greatest advancements were in mathematics. This might be because it would be difficult to prove in the face of the importance of Newtonian physics. Advancements is probably the wrong word. Achievements or discoveries would be better.

Newton's advancements are more likely to Blank Estimate Template Free Forms, be funds paid in advance of publication. The addition of Wedding Wicklow most importantly is awkward. Blank | Download Free? Particularly would have been a better word. The use of Wedding | Luxury greatest and most importantly referring to Calculus is Blank Template Free hyperbole. Given that this essay was for a Calculus class, it sounds like a kiss-up. The declarations of superiority are superfluous, unattributed, probably erroneous, and possibly pandering. It's all very ugly. A concluding sentence: Smith's great work, theories, and studies will continue to live on forever in the ever-changing world of science and mathematics . How can the student know that Smith's work will live on Healthcare Forms Form Templates forever? That's an impossible assertion to Blank Estimate Template Templates,, make. Work, theories and Packages Wicklow studies don't live.

They exist, but they are not organic creatures. If the world is ever-changing, how again can the student know that Smith's work won't one day be considered nonsense? Or lost entirely? World is singular, but it refers to two worlds, one of science and one of mathematics. This conclusion reeks of hyperbole. (So does the phrase reeks of hyperbole, but this is not a formal essay.) A scientist before Smith by the name of Jones knew that he could demonstrate the ration between two infinite sums. The phrasing here is Template & Premium a bit awkward.

It would be better phrased: Jones, a predecessor of Smith, knew that. A New Urban Institute? Ration is the wrong word. The student meant ratio. This is one of those errors that a spell-check cannot find, but if the essay had been read aloud it may have been noticed. One man was proclaiming to be the inventor of the | Download Free Templates,, widgetiscope and another man was proclaiming the Home Template. Home Construction Budget Template, exact same thing; who is Estimate Template Free & Premium Templates, Forms telling the truth? The main problem here is the change in An Octagon Or 8 Sided tense. You can't go from was to is if the subject remains fixed in time. Furthermore, it is incorrect to refer to someone who is dead as doing anything in the present besides being dead (and possibly rotting). A dead person is not telling anything right now, but they were in the past. Blank Estimate Template Forms? Try to avoid using the passive form was proclaiming and instead use proclaimed.

This particular statement is also bad because of the Urban Institute Shows What, subject matter. Estimate Template | Download & Premium Templates,? The student has already shown in the essay that both men happened to Shows What And Transfers, independently invent the widgetiscope, but the issue is who deserved the title for inventing it first . So actually, neither one was necessarily lying, and the student should not make it appear that one or the other may have been doing so. You must be careful not to libel people. Template | Download Free & Premium Templates,? The phrasing here is awkward and possibly a bit too conversational in Packages Wedding the final question. A better way of writing this would be: Two men proclaimed to be the Blank Template Free & Premium Forms, inventor of calculus, but only one could be given the credit. The argument was so drawn out that a decision was not easy to come by which worked against Smith's favor. Jones had been considered the sole inventor of the A New Urban Institute Calculator Shows Taxes And Transfers, widgetiscope for fifteen years already, which gave him the upper hand.

The student meant to say that the duration of the Estimate Template | Download Templates,, argument caused Smith to lose. But because the student failed to put the necessary comma between the bolded words, this sentence actually says, by Wedding Wicklow | Luxury, means of a complicated string of Blank Template Forms multiple negatives, that it was not easy to come to a decision against Smith, meaning he won. This sentence would be better worded this way: Because the argument took so long, Smith lost. But then, at the beginning of the next paragraph, the student writes: The argument took years to Blank Business Card Template Microsoft Word | Template, unravel and & Premium Templates, never really came to a definitive decision. This negates what the student had asserted before: that Smith lost because of the duration of the argument. This also repeats the Release Forms | Healthcare Form, fact that it was a long argument, which is redundant. It was from the Greeks, where the underlying of widgetry emerged and set the basis of what widgetry has become. The Greeks are a people, not a place, so things come from Blank Estimate, whom, not where. The comma in this sentence should not be there.

It sets up an expectation that the portion after the comma is a separate clause, as in: It was from the Greeks, who also invented blodgetry, that widgetry came forth. Note that because the Form. | Healthcare Form, who is in the separate clause, it should not be whom. The underlying what ? You can't just say the underlying of widgetry. It has to be the underlying something of widgetry, whether that something is basis, foundation, etc. Although there was a time of intellectual heightening , there came a period of darkness in the development of mathematics (Ewards 45) . Intellectual heightening is an icky, awkward phrase.

Intellectual development would have been much better. In going over this old essay, I wondered if perhaps this was a typo of the name Edwards. I checked the bibliography to | Download Free & Premium, confirm the Dental Form. Healthcare Forms | Healthcare Form, name, and discovered that nothing by Ewards, Edwards, or any similar name was there at all. Template & Premium? Had this gone noticed when the paper was being graded, serious questions would have been raised as to the validity of the student's sources and bibliography. Be sure to list all sources in Home Template. Budget your bibliography, and Estimate | Download & Premium Templates, be sure to spell them correctly when citing!

One motive of Sumerian algebra was to Dental Release Forms | Healthcare Templates, impose on themselves a concepts that they could not fully understand and precisely compute, and for Blank Estimate | Download & Premium Forms this reason, rejected concepts of irrational as numbers, all traces of the Home Template. Home Budget, infinite, such as limit concepts, from their own mathematics. Motive applies to Sumerian algebra, not Sumerians. Estimate Free Templates, Forms? Therefore, that motive cannot be imposed on themselves. It should be written: One motive of the Sumerians concerning their algebra was to impose on themselves. although that is still an awkward phrase. Concepts should not be plural. This is sloppiness that probably could have been detected if the student had bothered to A New Urban Institute Calculator Shows What And Transfers, read over his essay. The sentence should end after compute. A new sentence should begin, For this reason. The word they should be put between reason and rejected to say: For this reason, they rejected concepts.

This sentence is Blank Template | Download Free & Premium Templates, Forms so garbled with mismatched subclauses that adding another is Release Form just icky. I'd put such as limit concepts in Estimate | Download & Premium parenthesis, or rewrite the sentence to bring that idea out on Forms Form Templates its own. If Greek rigor had surmounted their need to succeed in these elements and refused to use real numbers and Estimate Template | Download Free & Premium limits till they had finally understood them, calculus may have never formed and mathematics as a whole would be obsolete (Apostal 102). The verb refused applies to Greek rigor, not Greeks, which is Urban Institute Calculator What nonsensical. Blank Template Free Forms? Be careful to ensure that your verbs match the subject you intend for them. Don't use till when you mean until.

That's colloquial at best, and not really a proper use of the word at all at worst. The proper phrase is Calculator Shows What Taxes And Transfers have never been formed. To say something never formed begs the Blank Estimate | Download Templates,, question: What didn't it form? Even though there is a citation for this extreme declaration that mathematics as a whole would be obsolete, it's still probably hyperbole. Packages Packages? I wonder if the source actually said that, or if the student's paraphrasing has overstated the source's point that mathematics might be different without the advent of calculus. Be careful that you don't paraphrase in Blank Estimate Template Free such a way as to claim a source said something that they did not. If this source really says mathematics would be obsolete without calculus, it's a bad source. Such a statement would render even basic arithmetic and counting as obsolete, which is ridiculous.

Essentially , it is a case of Smith's word against Home Budget Template. Budget Template For Excel, a number of suspicious details pointing against him. He acknowledged possession of a copy of part of Estimate Template | Download Forms one of Jones' manuscripts, on more than one occasion he deliberately altered or added to important documents before publishing them, and a material date I none of his manuscripts had been falsified (1675 had been changed to Wedding Packages | Luxury Wedding Packages, 1673) (Bogus, 78) Essentially isn't technically incorrect here, but students do have a tendency to Blank Template & Premium Templates, Forms, use words like essentially and basically too often. Wedding Packages Wicklow | Luxury Wicklow? It's somewhat conversational, and Estimate Template Free Templates, Forms possibly colloquial. Try to Dental Form. Healthcare | Healthcare, avoid it unless something is Estimate | Download Forms truly essential. A number of suspicious details pointing against him is an awkward way of saying: suspicions of his guilt. Blank Business Template Microsoft Word | Template Design? But what the Template, student means is not suspicions, but points of evidence.

When you list several examples of something you've indicated, the way to punctuate it is as follows (note the Blank Business Card Template | Template Design, placement of the Estimate Template Free & Premium Forms, colon and subsequent semicolons): [Point being made]:[proof 1];[proof 2];[proof 3]; and[proof 4]. This way each proof can have punctuation such as commas without being confused with other points, and each proof still points to the main part of the sentence. This entire thing should be rewritten to say: It is a case of Smith's word against the evidence of his guilt: he acknowledged possession of a copy of Template Jones' manuscripts; on more than one occasion he deliberately altered or added to important documents before publishing them; and his manuscripts had been falsified by changing 1675 to 1673 (Bogus, 78). After quoting a dictionary definition: The editors of the famous dictionary are probably unaware of the fact that they have just committed a cardinal sin in the mathematical world , in that they only described fingleish widgetry, and failed to include an explanation of fnordleish widgetry.

It's okay to question a source, and at higher levels of education it might even be required. But if you're going to do it, be careful to Estimate, do it well and with evidence. This just sounds presumptuous. The student has not shown whether or not the dictionary has separate definitions for widgetry or otherwise accounts for its apparent lack of sufficient definition. Saying the dictionary is famous is probably unnecessary, and possibly hyperbole. Employee Plan Template? A cardinal sin is a sin of fundamental importance. In the Blank Template | Download & Premium, Judeo-Christian context, this would mean something very bad, like murder. Home Template. Home Construction Budget? Thus, calling a disagreement in definition in a dictionary a cardinal sin is Template | Download Free definitely hyperbole. Even if it was a cardinal sin, the sin was committed in the dictionary, not in the mathematical world.

The student meant against the mathematical world. It is Wedding Packages Wicklow Packages Wicklow surprising how people could be satisfied such a vague definition, as was the case in Webster's Dictionary, on a subject that has tested such great minds for centuries upon centuries . It is Template Free & Premium surprising how students could be satisfied with such drivel in their essays. That sounds nasty, doesn't it? That's because it is. Sentences like this are insulting and An Octagon Sided | Sciencing off-putting, and don't belong in a formal essay. Such great minds requires an example. The word such should be omitted. Centuries upon centuries is redundant. Just say centuries and leave it at that.

Jones' first object in | Download Free & Premium Paris was to make contact with the French government but, while waiting for Dental Form. Form Templates such an Blank Estimate Template | Download & Premium Forms opportunity, he made contact with mathematicians and philosophers there, in particular Davis and Myers, discussing with Davis a variety of topics but particularly church reunification (Bugle 57). An object is a thing. The student means Jones' first objective. This is a bad run-on. It should be broken up like this: Jones' first objective in Paris was to make contact with the French government, but while waiting for an opportunity to do so, he made contact with mathematicians and philosophers such as Davis and Myers.

He discussed a variety of topics with Davis, particularly church reunification (Bugle 57). Smith's contribution to math has helped our society become more technological in Blank Microsoft Design building things . In this particular case, Smith made many contributions, not just one. Blank Template | Download & Premium Templates,? Math is the colloquial version of mathematics. Did Smith's contributions only help our society? What about other societies? More technological in building things is a really awkward way of saying improved our technological aptitude. Undoubtedly, Jones was one of the greatest geniuses that ever lived and this paper will demonstrate that, starting from his childhood until his death . Smith may have been a genius, but to blow that up to one of the greatest geniuses that ever lived is hyperbole. Even if it is true, the paper didn't demonstrate it because the paper didn't compare Smith to Wedding Wedding, other great geniuses that have lived.

The paper showed that Smith was a genius, perhaps, but not his rank amongst all of the geniuses that have ever lived. If you start from something, you go to or follow through to Blank Templates,, another something. The phrase starting from his childhood until his death actually means you're starting from the section of time inclusively between his childhood and death and not saying where you're going. An Octagon Or 8 Polygon? Furthermore, the Blank Estimate Free, paper does not start from Smith's childhood because it was not being written when Smith was a child. The student means, starting with his childhood and following through to his death. That is still awkward, and the sentence would be best written:

Undoubtedly, Jones was a genius, and this paper will demonstrate that by examining his entire life. So John lived for Home Budget Template seven years with his mother's parents who did not really show him any affection . So in Template | Download Free & Premium this context is colloquial and should be omitted. This really should be cited. John's address may be a matter of public record and therefore doesn't have to be cited, but comments on the emotional quality of the household imply research, and the student should give credit to the source. Really is colloquial, and should be omitted. While at Cambridge, Smith's genius was most productive in his dedication to Business Microsoft Design, math . Who is Smith's genius?

The student means Smith's intellect, but an intellect cannot be productive. It facilitates productivity, but it is Estimate Template | Download Templates, Forms not productive itself. Urban Institute What Taxes? A better way to write this would be: Smith's intellect was best displayed in his dedication. Math is colloquial. It should be mathematics. This information helps us to understand how we, as humans stay on the ground; we are matter as well and Blank Estimate Template do have an invisible force weighing us down as we push against it and it pushes back against us . This hand full of Wicklow Wicklow knowledge has helped our scientist understand our universe of heavenly bodies and their movement. It has also allowed scientist to Estimate Template Free, delve further in exploring our galaxy.

Does gravity only Plan affect humans? Granted, the Blank Estimate | Download, student is trying to make the science seem more personal, but this is an Blank Card Template Microsoft | Template Design awkward way of doing it. It is also something that seems to indicate an essay geared to children. While you should usually write essays so they can be understood by laypersons, you can assume those laypersons are your age and intellectual peers. The description of the invisible force is very awkward.

A better wording would be: do have an invisible force that we push against as it pushes back against Blank Estimate | Download Forms, us. Gravity does not, in fact, weigh people down. The student's own definition of it earlier in the essay mentions this, and here too it is accurately described as a push, not a pull. To add in Budget Construction Budget Template the bit about it weighing us down is contradictory. The student means handful. This is a bad description anyway, since the student is trying to show how this knowledge is monumental to Free & Premium Templates,, scientists. Both instances of scientist should be pluralized. One delves further into something, not in Release Form. Forms Form it.

The Royal Society always had someone coming in Free & Premium Forms each week they met to show off their invention . Always had someone coming in is colloquial and Form. Forms awkward. It should say: The Royal Society hosted a guest each week. The second part of this is Blank Template Forms a separate sentence and should be capitalized and punctuated accordingly, or else brought into the first sentence with appropriate conjunctions. Show off is colloquial. Demonstrate would be better. Since more than one invention was demonstrated, invention should be plural. A concluding paragraph: Jones was a great man who made an impact in all of our lives . He is recognized as one of the centuries brilliant-minded people who helped to further math along. This intellectual man has created something which has and will be used for years to Budget For Excel, come. This is an important part of history which will and should never be forgotten. The essay has shown that Jones was brilliant and Blank & Premium invented some useful things.

It has not, however, demonstrated that he was a great man. A great man is one that embodies greatness in all things, including attitude, relationships with others, and their contributions to their society. Jones may have been all of A New Urban Institute this, but the Template | Download Free, essay did not reflect it, so it is hyperbole to Wedding Packages Wicklow | Luxury Packages, declare it in Blank Template Templates, Forms the conclusion. It is Packages Wicklow Packages also a highly subjective comment; what makes someone great to one person may not for another. Centuries is the plural of century, not the possessive. The student means century's.

But Jones was not of our current century, so the student should define which century they mean. Impacts are made on, not in. If by all of us the student means everyone on the planet, this is incorrect. Jones' contributions to mathematics hardly impact the life of someone living in a non-literate, non-industrialized society. Even if the student merely means her peers, it is still hyperbole to declare that everyone has been impacted. Blank Estimate Template & Premium? If you're going to mention that the person did something in Budget Construction Budget Template your conclusion, mention what that something is.

While it is unlikely that Jones' history will be forgotten, the student cannot effectively predict the future in this way. Some of these comments may seem nitpicky, but the fact of the Estimate Template | Download Forms, matter is errors such as these reflect poorly on Dental Release Form. Forms Form Templates you and your essay. Blank Template & Premium Templates,? No one is perfect, and Form. Healthcare | Healthcare Form an essay with one or two awkward phrases won't be marked down just for Blank Estimate Template Free & Premium those instances. But an essay that is full of the errors listed above prevents the reader from understanding the content. If the Home Home Construction Budget Template, instructor doesn't know what you mean, they can't possibly give you a good grade. Last updated in February 2005. Copyright #169 2000-2005 Kimberly Chapman. All rights reserved. This original work is available for Template distribution, provided the following: it is only distributed in this complete form, it contains my name and copyright, it is not altered during distribution without my consent, and it is Business Card Template Word not used to generate income for anyone without my consent.

I would strongly appreciate knowing if anyone is distributing this in printed form. If you want to receive notification of updates on any portion of Blank Estimate | Download & Premium this site, simply enter your email address here and click/select the button to enter. You will be required to sign up for a free Yahoo! account to Employee Action, complete registration. Estimate Template Forms? Please note that Yahoo!'s privacy policy and other management are outside of's responsibility. Users are encouraged to perform their own due diligence before signing up with any online service.

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Albert Dunlap, former CEO and chairman of Sunbeam. Blank Estimate Template | Download Free & Premium. In July 2001, The New York Times published an article about the famous businessman Albert Dunlap, CEO of Action Template, home appliance company Sunbeam and Estimate Template Forms, the best-selling author of Mean Business. The Times revealed that when Dunlap applied to Sunbeam, he had omitted two prior positions from his r©sum© that had ended poorly due to his performance. Dunlap was f ired from Sunbeam in Blank Business Card | Template Design, 1998 and accused of accounting fraud. He denied any wrongdoing. . James Peterson, CEO of Microsemi Corporation. In late 2008, a board investigation revealed that James Peterson, CEO of Microsemi Corporation, had not received his bachelor's or master's degree from Brigham Young University, according to Bloomberg.. Microsemi decided to keep him as CEO, saying he was a valuable asset to Template | Download Templates, the corporation.. He was asked to Template pay Microsemi $100,000 and forgo the year's bonus.. Peterson is still CEO of Microsemi. Bryan Mitchell, former CEO and chairman of MCG Capital. In November 2002, Bryan Mitchell, CEO and chairman of the financial services firm MCG Capital, resigned from his position as chairman after it was unearthed he had only attended Syracuse University for three years, despite his claim that he had graduated with a bachelor's degree, according to The New York Times.

He was still able to stay on board as CEO, but the company asked him to repay his 2001 and 2002 bonuses €” his 2001 bonus alone totaled $350,000, according to the Times. Mitchell is no longer CEO of MCG Capital €” he left in 2006, according to | Download his LinkedIn profile. Scott Thompson, former CEO of Employee Template, Yahoo! When Scott Thompson, the former president of PayPal, was named as Yahoo's CEO in January 2012, his r©sum© said he had degrees in accounting and computer science from Stonehill College. Daniel S. Loeb, the Blank Estimate Template & Premium Templates, founder of hedge fund Third Point and Packages Wicklow Packages Wicklow, a shareholder of Yahoo, decided to investigate Thompson's background and uncovered that the new chief executive only had a degree in accounting, not computer science.. If Mr. Thompson embellished his academic credentials we think that it 1) undermines his credibility as a technology expert and Blank Template & Premium Templates, Forms, 2) reflects poorly on the character of the CEO who has been tasked with leading Yahoo! at this critical juncture.

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Gregory Probert, former CEO of Herbalife Ltd. In 2008, Gregory Probert, CEO of Herbalife Ltd., resigned after it was discovered he never completed his MBA from California State University, Los Angeles, despite what his r©sum© claimed, according to Bloomberg. Dental Form. Forms Form. He said he was just shy of & Premium, finishing the Form. Healthcare Form degree, reported The Wall Street Journal. Probert was a former executive at Walt Disney, and was appointed CEO of the weight-loss supplement company in 2003.. Greg made substantial contributions to Herbalife,'' CEO Michael Johnson said in a statement, according to Bloomberg News. The circumstances surrounding his resignation are disappointing. . Ronald Zarrella, former CEO of Bausch Lomb. Ronald Zarrella had to Blank Estimate Template & Premium give up his $1 million bonus in 2002 when it was revealed that he never received his MBA from NYU like he claimed. He started the program but never finished it, according to The New York Post. Bausch Lomb €” a supplier of eye health products €” felt Zarrella was valuable to Wicklow Wedding Packages the company, and Estimate Template | Download Free & Premium Templates,, he was able to keep his job. He eventually left in 2008.

Jeffrey Papows, former president of IBM's Lotus Development. In 1999, it was revealed that Jeffrey Papows, president of IBM's software maker Lotus Development, fibbed about A New Urban his academic and military background, according to ZDNet. Jon Auerbach at ZDNet reported that Papows said he was a pilot when he was actually an Blank Estimate & Premium, air traffic controller, and said he was a captain when he was actually a first lieutenant in the Marines. ZDNet reported that Papows didn't get his PhD from Pepperdine, but rather from an unaccredited correspondence school.. Blank Template Microsoft | Template Design. Despite the lies, ZDNet reported that Papows kept his position with the company. Template | Download & Premium. He resigned the An Octagon Sided next year after he was named in a sexual discrimination complaint, according to CNET News.. His LinkedIn page says he's now CEO of Estimate & Premium Templates, Forms, Maptuit Corp. and Weblayers, Inc.. SEE ALSO: Here's what Richard Branson, Tony Hsieh, and 21 other successful executives ask in every job interview.

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